Why High Achievers Check Out Early

In this episode, Dan reveals that he filled 60 notebooks only for them to be washed away in a flood. He could have mourned this, but instead chose to see it as closure to a past era. Mike shares a similar experience where he threw away every box he had after his divorce. These are life changing moments, where one radical act of letting go, either by nature or by choice, transformed both Dan’s life and Mike’s life.

Dan discusses how high achievers struggle with overcoming what seem like small obstacles to many because their attachment to a vision isn’t linked to a measurable, realistic goal. Their vision in general, be it perfection or manufactured by someone else, may not even be “real.” And this can be tragic, and in some cases, fatal.

One of the most transformative decisions we can make in our lives is to let go of our attachments to the past, and use obstacles as an opportunity to grow.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Between Thinking and Wanting
   • State what you want clearly and without explanation.
   • The power of a strategy circle concept of vision, obstacles, and how to transform them into actions.
   • What it takes to overcome obstacles and achieve one's vision.
2. Impact of Setbacks and Fragility
   • Setbacks in breakthroughs, and how to navigate them from within
   • Balancing resilience and fragility for success
3. Adoption of Ai in Business
   • How to use DigitalCafe.Ai for building relationships
   • How to use Ai to create resonant conference presentations
   • The importance of never being boring and using Ai as an unfair business advantage
4. Concept of Checking Out in Life
   • Discussion on shame, failure, and depression leading to “checking out”
   • Role of internal chemistry and luck in life outcomes
   • Importance of clarity in desires and decisiveness
5. Personal Reflections and Progress Measurement
   • Dan Sullivan's reflection on decisiveness and lack of sentimentality
   • Why it is important to set realistic measurements for goals
   • Responsibility of self-confidence and understanding oneself
6. High Performers and Mental Health
   • Contributing Factors to high performer suicide rates
   • Pressures on smart kids and high achievers
7. Impact of Environment and Feedback
   • Influence of environment and feedback on mental health.
   • Personal defeat and self-assurance without contemplating suicide.
8. Self-Discovery and Personal Growth
   • Dan Sullivan’s focus on personal happiness and growth
   • Dan’s commitment to journaling after divorce and bankruptcy
   • Finding an ideal and effortless relationship
   • Importance of ambitious and growth-focused individuals
   • Destruction of journals symbolizing release of the past
9. Material Possessions and Freedom
   • Mike Koenigs’ experience selling a company and feeling burdened by possessions
   • Koenigs’ rule about possessions and attachment post-divorce
10. Developing Skills, Creating Value, and Enhancing Communication
    • How important communication and engagement are
    • Insights into using Ai tools to build relationships
    • A deep need to create value and innovate
    • Concern about the limited willingness of students to learn new skills
    • The changing education and employment landscape
    • Potential of skilled trades offering lucrative and secure careers
11. Belief and Positivity in Relationships
    • Choosing paths of belief and tools focusing on positivity
    • Challenge of bridging the belief gap
    • Sullivan’s personal experience with self-responsibility
12. Determining True Wants and Principles
    • Majority of people’s uncertainty about what they truly want, how to determine true
      wants, and evolve past them.
    • Clearly state your desires.

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8 Essential Quotes

“For the happy person. You set a goal, you achieve the goal, and then you measure backwards to where you started and you notice you've made a great deal of progress, and that makes you feel good. Whereas if you do it the other way, you set a goal, you achieve the goal, but then you measure against the ideal that you're supposed to live up to, and it seems to you that you've achieved nothing. And you get depressed and you get disappointed, and in some cases, you can get suicidal over it.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:03

“It's almost like the parent that the children are leading the parents life, almost like they're being required to shine where their parents didn't shine and everything else. And that's a terrible pressure to have.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:06

“I realized that the reason I had two setbacks, one in my personal life and one in my financial life, was I wasn't telling myself what I really wanted.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:17

“So one thing I did, Mike, was that I said, my former wife, I'm relieving her of all responsibility for what happened to me.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:18

“Just because someone's a successful entrepreneur doesn't mean that they have any ambition.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:26

“It always requires you stating a vision in the future of something that's bigger and better than what you're doing now.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:41

“Education is the key to the future, and that's the revolution that's going on.”
— Dan Sullivan 00:59

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Time Stamps

Here are detailed timestamps for key points in the conversation:

• [00:00:00] Dan Sullivan discusses how measuring progress affects happiness.
• [00:00:26] Mike Koenigs mentions fear for those stuck in old ways of thinking.
• [00:00:37] Dan talks about taking responsibility for one's own confidence.
• [00:01:07] Mike brings up high performers and suicide rates, discussing Ai's impact on smart kids.
• [00:02:10] Dan introduces the concept of “Gap and Gain” from Strategic Coach.
• [00:03:07] Dan explains the difference between measuring progress backward vs against an ideal.
• [00:04:05] Discussion on smart kids and high achievers checking out when they feel they can't win.
• [00:05:41] Mike asks Dan what message he'd give to struggling young people.
• [00:07:10] Dan shares a story about a Stanford athlete's suicide.
• [00:10:00] Dan emphasizes the importance of positive environments like Strategic Coach.
• [00:11:41] Mike discusses the power of positive focus and belief.
• [00:14:29] Dan talks about his experience with divorce and bankruptcy in 1978.
• [00:15:34] Dan explains his decision to take full responsibility for his confidence.
• [00:22:11] Dan shares his 25-year journaling practice for wanting.
• [00:25:27] Dan tells the story of meeting his second wife Babs.
• [00:28:16] Discussion on entrepreneurs who continually seek growth.
• [00:30:07] Dan mentions a flood that destroyed his old journals.
• [00:31:12] Mike shares his experience of letting go of possessions.
• [00:37:49] Mike asks Dan about the structure of his wanting journal.
• [00:39:41] Dan explains how his wanting evolved into thinking tools for Strategic Coach.
• [00:47:00] Mike shares his experience presenting to young people about Ai.
• [00:53:13] Dan discusses the importance of negotiating value with the world.
• [00:55:49] Mike mentions follow-up opportunities for the 7,000 students he presented to.
• [00:58:07] Dan compares the financial outcomes of different educational paths.
• [01:00:15] Discussion on various ways people “check out” of life.
• [01:01:36] Dan reflects on internal chemistry and luck affecting life outcomes.
• [01:03:27] Mike decides to start keeping a want journal – without justification.
• [01:06:13] Dan shares his final reflections on decision-making and moving forward.

Additional Resources

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